Hey there Bright Star!

Yes YOU! Go ahead and chuckle to yourself at the thought. It is true. Modern day keeps lying to you in an effort to keep you dependent on Big Corporations for all they sell that promises you guaranteed happiness.  Our world is being brainwashed and its so pervasive the majority does not recognize it is happening.  You are told creamy white skin is the best and so you grow up through everyones eyes as  “unfortunate” for your olive skin.  You then are told that TAN is beauty and all the world turns their heads from creamy white to tan everytime someone passes by. Check them out. look at that pretty skin! Keep them distracted. That is the secret potion. distraction. keep them feeling in great need of everything you sell then they will forget to think for themselves. The greatest weapon of all is convincing everyone that there is no problem. NO global food crisis. No global warming. No economic timebomb. No problem with the level of insecurity and lack of sacredness for the human spirit. Keep everyone sucked in to instagram with all of its photoshopped pics and twitter and tumblr and facebook and farmville and pandora and youtube and text messaging…..Keep everyone feelin inadequate and distracted and in need. But i want you to know that you NEED nothing as you are truly a marvel all your own. Without the help of Aeropostale or CoolWater cologne or creamy foundation or rayban sunglasses or Ugg boots or a blasted iphone in your possession. Snap out of it! Noone on tv is prettier or more valuable or worthy of more adoration than YOU! NO they are NOT! It is time we break the cycle of lies and negative propaganda against humankind in order to perpetuate the monster of consumerism destroying harmony of everyone and everything in its path. It is so  much deeper of an infiltration than the highly distracted population comprehends. I see mothers putting their children on fatfree milk diets at eleven because they notice their once petite 7 year old daughter is now getting some cushion on her bones. I see fathers showing favoritism to their skinny daughters   because society deems her more acceptable. Families let siblings taunt the child less like everyone else and defends and lavishes  the child who fits the mold of conformity better. Less than 200 years ago if a woman weighed 120 or less than you were considered unappealling because noone wanted to marry a woman who might die in childbirth. Fragile women never allowed people to prosper. Women with meat on their bones didnt easily fall sick when a virus passed through town.If she got sick she had a better chance of survival because she had a stronger body to handle the ailment.Science has proven that rounded curves on a woman has a positive affect on small babies. Tiny petite girls were usually unhealthy girls or slaves who didnt get enough to eat or worked so hard they could not keep weight on their bodies.   The history of mankind shows the more unique , the more individual and daring the person, the greater the history they make.  Stop trying to see beauty through the eyes of the matrix. Beauty is that light of hope and desire and dreams and longings that burn with inside you. Beauty is that bravery you tap into from the core of your being to stand up on your own when everyone else tries so hard to conform and be like everyone else. HOw much time gets wasted in ones life worrying about how they look to others? The view from where you stand in regards to yourself is always gonna be only one sided. You are never gonna see a full view of yourself. Especially not in a mirror. There is a passion inside you that speaks to you on sleepness nights. It comes to you in your dreams. You are distracted by it more than all the worlds distractions. Your true beauty is finding the nobility within yourself to live beyond the superficial judgement of others to implement your passion into your life. If your passion requires you to stand alone then let go of fear and stand. Be the difference around you that you KNOW you can be just by being you. Teach your children to follow their heart instead of the expectations of others. Teach eachother…and yourself that your beauty is not what everyone SEES just by looking at you. I am appalled that the latest trend is to have a totally waxed or shaven pubic area. WTF?  NOw young teen men are learning to look only for this as a criteria for a significant relationship.Next year when pubic hair is back in fashion then all the poor saps who got permanent hair removal are gonna be feeling scammed. Young men still learning about themselves who eventually find interest in the opposite sex are being brainwashed as they watch their fathers addiction to porn unfold. Dads are no longer teaching their sons to respect their mommas or other women. They think its cool to be a Dad who makes crude jokes about females to their sons as if they are bonding.  In todays world, Dads no longer have to even have a speaking relationship  with their sons, the sons learn just by watching . Everytime you habitually turn your head to check out some females ass as she walks by , you teach him to be the same way. you show him where the value of a woman lies in your heart and mind.Everytime you turn your head to check out some female in front of your own wife you tell her and the woman who sees you checking her out that woman are only as valuable as the immediate pleasure her body can offer a man. You tell your wife that your devotion is only as strong as the next half naked sexually explicit video you can find. You devalue every female by your lack of mindfullness to how your behavior affects people that see you whom you do not realize are even watching.  You spread that primitive carnal imprisonment out to the masses around you. Everytime a mother makes her daughter feel ashamed of herself for not being as perfect as her momma always wanted to be than the mother teaches the daughter that her value ONLY lies in the acceptance of others.Everytime a momma fails to tell her child that they are beautiful just as they are, A magical shade all their own making the rainbow of the world all that more miraculous, that momma fails herself and the growth of all women and the men capable of learning good things from such beautiful women. Where are the brave ones willing to speak and live the truth our children need to learn? The mothers and the fathers and the grandfathers and the Aunts that say to live by way of honor and TRUTH even if I fail in this task or my example as a role model is unsatisfactory. We have arrived in this place of great discovery and invention by asking questions outside of the immediate view of our world. Imagining all that has not yet been made known is truly a beautiful thing. Dare i challenge everyone to stop blowing smoke up your kids asses for things in which  they had no responsible contribution? I hear people saying how pretty or cute the baby is far more than hearing how loved or special or unique they are. Why is that? All children are special and good and loved. Even if that love is undiscovered for the moment.(some kids have to wait til adulthood to find this love)My daughter said to me a few years ago that until everyone started telling her otherwise she always thought she was beautiful and sweet. I happened to be completely present for a change when she said this and the force behind her words was felt as if suddenly i was driving in sand. It saddened me. I see how women and their daughters carry themselves as if the whole world is evaluating them and they are afraid of being seen with any imperfection. I went to Jamaica a few weeks ago and spent a few days at clothing optional resort. I was nearly the only woman on that beach with real breasts. I was shocked to see even OLD women with breast implants! Until you convince yourself of your innate beauty, how ever will you be able to set an example for all other females around you to love themselves for their innate beauty? I have been told thousands of times how beautiful i am. MOst of those times had absolutely NOTHING to do with who i am. It can be a very lonely place when you are spiritually, socially,intellectually, emotionally surrounded by strangers. Most people do not even know me. They do not want to. They do not want to truly know anyone more than a basic level. Because truly getting to know anyone often times puts people in a position of gauging themselves in comparison to another and this gauging stirs up discomfort they have been programmed to do everything to AVOID. It is easier to fit in and blend in rather than to stand out for the intense fear everyone carries of having to endure the judgement of others. We want to be accepted. Everyone does. You will find , that if you accept yourself for the beautiful individual that you are , you will lose focus of everyone else and their judgements.  You find so much more of the world that does not judge you or disagree with you. You learn to live through your own heart and for your own dreams rather than for the acceptance of others. You will find yourself blossoming regardless of whether your breasts are acceptable or your image is acceptable. You will find and begin to exude your natural “glow” .  What i can never understand is, how we all learn as we grow up that the star of the show always fades out over time as they have been given so much false recognition, they learn not how to reach for anything more. Yet everyone wants to BE that STAR and recieve THEIR star treatment knowing thats probably gonna be the highlight of their unfulfilling  The truth behind all the lies is that even the”flashy” or people who seem to always be in the limelight, unless they find intimacy with life and others and themselves, they will always be lonely unless in the company of one of their adoring fans. Unless you depend on the love inside you to guide you rather than the twisted primitive expectations of the world around you then you shall always fight loneliness . You will need to be the center of attention. You will not handle intimacy with too many outsiders because you cannot handle your own intense competitiveness in the company of others who might take away your center stage. You forget how to search for yourself and you spend your whole life expecting things from others to keep you fulfilled. You stand for nothing other than what you look like and how you appear to the world around you.Its hard for  you to accept others joy around you because you have not found a way to rest comfortably within your own joy.   You could risk a very unfulfilling life by stepping in this trap like the rest of everyone around you or you could think for yourself and follow your true inner passions and allow your true inner beauty to shine forth. Like a rippling wave your light will affect everything it touches. Making the world as bright and beautiful as you only adds to the beauty in us all. It all sounds better on paper but nothing is harmed by testing the notion. I dare ya to give it a try. Let your light shine!

Your not supposed to say it cuz your gonna change your mind!!

I would UNSAY soo many of the things i have said in my life. I have been told as a small child from the extreme right wing church bunch, that because everything comes from thought, if you think of doing things wrong, than it is as if you have actually committed the wrong.  But the truth comes after all these years, that it is FAR better to let the thoughts rest in your mind sometimes than to release them into the world verbally. I do not give a rats fanny about what Dr. Phil thinks about it. I will never trust a man who wears foundation on tv. HOw highly evolved and insightful can one really be if he is so caught up in representing a facade through his outward appearance? I digress. Pay attention to everyone around you. Stop zoning out in your own little view of the path for yourself and your family. We are ALL a part of your path. Especially if you are actually reading this. I expect i am talking to myself which allows more ease to tap into whats really eating me as i blog through it. It works. Go figure. So what am i thinking about this time??

    I am thinking about what i am feeling and wanting to express aloud in this moment.  I know for certain of  only one thing. That everything changes. Putting words to my thoughts is unstable because no matter how strongly i feel about something right now, i will ultimately change my mind as time passes. Even if only in some small way…i will change. Whether i want to or not. HOw does one find peace however, in resolving through words things that are on our mind? Meditation? maybe. I haven’t made it there yet. How do i foster and nurture a stronger relationship in my marriage if i cannot discuss what is on my mind? It can be difficult letting troublesome thoughts rest in our minds without our feelings getting attached and spread the vibe of the discomfort from our thoughts throughout our body. My husband can tell if something is troubling me. He expresses true concern yet when he opens the floor for discussion its as if he is now offended about my position when i tell him what is on my heart. There is a craft one must learn i suspect in balancing the delicate scales of discussion of opportunities for growth and of the speaking of extraneous matter which distracts us of the main issue at hand. What am i trying to say? The half minded population ,like myself(totally mindful is the zen state yes? Nirvana? I surely only qualify as something beyond asleep and void of soul however you word it)at least sees the obviousness of some things being better left unsaid but some things fall into a grey area.  In expressing myself to my husband I speak of things on my heart , yet i know not how to excise the flashing(extranneous potentially misinterpreted words) of content that distracts him from hearing my heart and understanding where i am coming from .Or at least making him less able to empathize with me. If i can be aware of this then surely i must be able to better master or maneuver this maze of mysteries in the field of relationships?If i say that his complacency is creating an issue , all he hears is that i called him” complacent” then he hears it as “lazy”. I want to say things like”Could you snap out of your zone for a moment to share a few minutes in conversation with me about the day?” I start out in the beginning of this small issue in our relationship by saying things like” i missed you today…come talk to me” or “Tell me about your day!” Over time one grows weary of always initiating this interaction and eventually i actually somehow say ” Unless something is entertaining or deemed worthy of your time then you just sit and zone out with solitaire or facebook”.   like a vomit thy blech spills… take away emotion. Let all of it go somewhere else. exhale it. release it.  Remind yourself that you both chose to love each other in spite of all the shortcomings you both bring to the table. Love bears all things. Now I have said ” You drive me crazy but i put up with it because i truly love you” You can pretty much surmise that this statement was NOT recieved well. How can i get this in my mind, but trip over myself when put it into action?? It would have went over much smoother had i chose to say”love bears all things” or simply said nothing at all. Because i would not be in this moment for long and if only i could let it pass in silence then perhaps it would have been like any other random passing moment? relatively uneventful. Then when the time came for my mind to move on and my heart to move and which altered the frequency of my vibe, i wouldnt have to do damage control over good intentions and my efforts to bring my relationships closer. ugh. I have learned that being right is never really a goal to strive for in a relationship. When one learns to let go and truly accept another for all the easy and not so easy then one learns to dispose of the “right ” thought altogether and just focus on the now between the harmony. Dare i say”lesson learned” ?

Dearest Cath……

I dreamt of you last nite. I do not remember any part of it except you were in it. My mind is consumed with thoughts of you. I desperately want you to reconsider the surgery. You do not have breast cancer. Sure BRCA II positive gene adds a little concern for me but not enough to volunteer a double mastectomy. To me, breast cancer is not any more scary than driving on the interstate with all these texting maniacs behind the wheel. Anything that comes out of my mouth is gonna sound like i am trying to talk you out of it. What kind of friend would i be if i were not totally supportive of your choice here to remove both your breast simply because you have a positive gene and your Dad died from breast cancer?? It is not my body so i am out of line to suggest you are being consumed by unnecessary fear. This is one of those moments in a persons life when you are gonna prove what kind of friend you really are.  I would expect you to trust my decision and also to trust that i did not come to my decision lightly. I would need you to support my position. So here i am feeling like i am doing a poor job at playing this role with you. You are so priceless to me that its incredibly hard for me to imagine strangers/doctors cutting off part of your body when you have not been diagnosed with cancer. As awesome as doctors can be , they do not operate mindfully and intentionally. They are brainwashed by the medical industry.  Today’s healthcare system does not even recognize the benefits of alternative medicine or homeopathic remedies for what ails us. You are texting me now and im so emotional right now i want to scream. I am also struggling to not let this affect how i interact with everyone else around me.  I can briefly mention i am heading up North to be with you as you are having surgery but noone around me immediately processes much of this information and to keep this in mind when i am not myself, is just not a common habit in this culture. A less politically correct way of saying might be that they are zombies.  If you elected to change your mind and not have the surgery, then should some unfortunate news of a lump find you in the future you have a high survival rate even with a lumpectomy. You mentioned to me that if something happened to Bruce down the road then you may have to face breast cancer alone. This is so NOT true. It feels to me like you are taking alot of “what-if’s” and picking the worst case scenario’s and creating fear within yourself. Its ok to be afraid. But to let fear control our lives and the choices we make does not serve anyone in a positive manner.  What if you get an infection from the surgery and it attacks your immune system. You have taken so many antibiotics over the years that it will tax your body to the core to expose so much surface area of your chest to germs in the air during the operation. It is equally trying for me to come to terms with the idea that you are so worried about getting deathly sick yet you would have implants put in afterward to reconstruct your breast. The ones you have are perfectly fine. No cancer. just a positive gene presence. Will there ever be words or a way for me to let you know how much i love you to the very core of MY being? I believe ALL things are connected. This places a higher expectation in my mind of doctors to be aware of this and prayerfully operate. But ONLY when every effort to AVOID surgery has been exhausted first! So invasive, To volunteer the transition one goes thru of seeing their body all scarred up, to go through the emotional transition as well as what your husband will face, to put yourself through the pain and the recovery, the synthetic drugs and chemicals that will be used from now until you are healed, to face complications that may arise noone can see right now, all without any diagnosis of cancer to me is mind boggling. My position is to trust in the wholeness i was created to experience. I know you are not me and i am not you. We are so very close it feels as if we are one yet i realize you have a path that does not always include me. Perhaps in your heart but I have seen your beautiful face only once in years. I feel honored that you shared with me this part of your journey. In my selfishness i want you to see that you were designed to live a beautiful and bountiful life. Too many people buy into the notion that its just a part of life to fall apart as you age and expect you will be worse off than you are now. Many systems of faith expect us to believe in the existence of something we do not see and they cannot show us how to truly see this great entity that only they can help you understand but they expect you to carry this faith your whole life no matter how  much it destroys the light inside you YET people as a whole should not expect their bodies to work satisfactorily while they are here? Why are we here? To simply work for someone all day nearly every day until we fall apart and die? It should be ok to ask these questions.  Where did the question itself come from? My brain. Who put it there? Me? Not me. I found the thought but i certainly did not originally create the thought. Or did i? If we can create thought then surely we can envision and sustain through our mindset a vital and healthy life. Noone can foresee accidents that we may find ourselves in and facing injuries can change our whole lives. But if a gene can determine my whole future then i may  as well bury my head in the sand with all the genes my family passed to me.  Dying is a part of living. We are not guaranteed through a test that we will get cancer. But its a definite guarantee that we will all die one day. We will no longer be here. We do not truly know with our human minds where we will go or how it will all take place once we leave our physical bodies. There is much speculation about the moments after death and I have read many incredible stories about experiences that actually happened to people after they died and came back to life. I believe them. But each of their experience are not exactly the same. So noone truly knows how it all really happens until it happens to them. to you. to me. Does this all come down to some underlying fear of dying?  I do wish you would consider my notions on healing ourselves and maintaining a healthy lifestlye and vital life throughout your whole life. Corporate America wants you to feel dependant on their healthcare. Their medicine. Their nursing homes.  Their is a way to prevent the need for regular long term healthcare. Its great to have it but its  not great to be so imbedded into it that your whole life is dependent on the medical world to keep you healthy. I am not suggesting my most beloved friend that you think this way. I just feel it is once again like the power of :”The Nothing” sweeping over the land . We are wiped out if we no longer think for ourselves or feel we can trust ourselves to maintain our own vitality. That is what a doctor should be there for. To prescribe proper diet adjustments for each symptom, or suggest links between issues goin on in ones life being linked to physical conditions, to offer the best opportunity and regimen to reach the best healing attainable. NO . Most doctors prescribe foreign meds they do not know much about as a solution to coping with different symptoms of illness. It is never about healing anymore to the medical establishment. How can so many people blindly trust people they do not even really know with their physical health and wellbeing? Again, i am not talking of this to accuse you. of any lack of careful consideration on your part. I am selfish where you are concerned and i want you to live forever. I will come up in ten days to be there with you. I hate that this is happening but i want to be there with you to pray over you and love you for a minute before i go back to my busy life hundreds of miles away. And spend another many years missing you and thinking of you and blogging to noone…as always talking to myself. Please do not have this surgery.  You said that you have a peace about this that you cannot explain. If i said that to you i would truly expect you to trust in this . So i have remorse for my struggle as it appears i do not have peace and i should simply because you do. I want to.  I am sorry that i am not more evolved than i could be for you.  I again learn great medicine from you beautiful woman. So i will honor you by giving my best effort towards trust that all things happen as they will and we can only allow ourselves to be ok with whatever “is”. My gift to you is that i am going to be ok as i know you would be for me, Tiquiero mucho .