It has been almost three months since we have spoken. I will always believe that our journey together was of a divine nature. I think of you nearly every day at least once. Its surprising to me what my mind chooses to remember and how well it holds onto that “remembering”. Most of our relationship resides back to the days of my youth. Flashbacks of memory have sustained my love for you. I am continuously curious as to how and why i hold onto you so strongly after all these years?? Who you are has been covered with layers upon layers of a changed life i know little about. Why does this love persist so pervasively inside my heart? Without effort i seem to cling to the lingering embers of an intense bond we created over 30 years ago. I have noticed there is a part of me that resents how the rest of the world got a piece of you and i did not. There is a magical fire inside you that remains dampered by the banalities of the culture around you. But who am i really to feel so free to have an opinion about your life? It felt so good to have you in my life all those years ago. When the world around us dove headfirst into distraction , we were swimming in a higher thought…or at least the yearning for higher understanding. It’s almost as if we let go of some things without thinking of it by reaching for new things. A deal we agree to from a higher dimension than this earthly place. If only my memory let go so easily. I have found myself questioning whether or not i created you in my mind as an illusion to propel myself forward during times of great tribulation and trials? My disappointment of an neverending longing to have you here in this life of mine is my only defense to the releasing of my grip on the stronghold of what we once shared together. Yet here you are in my everyday even now. Perhaps that was the deal we made? Your contract only guaranteed that you would remain in my world only to get me through those dark days? Maybe it is I who needs to accept that this part of the journey does not include you. apparently. You always hated to hear me say this but i surely “miss you so”. Love? Could there be a better word? Is that the best word? How can it be as there are no words to say it best how i feel? Will i ever share that again with anyone else? If only i could have a divine sign to guide me to a better understanding inorder to let you go. Something within me refuses to accept that you are gone from my path. More than anything, i wish to find peace in my heart that this stretch of the road requires you to journey with others. Will they ever open themselves up to realize how beautiful and magical and wise you are? Will you ever be loved better by anyone else? Surely there must be some explanation as to why our paths left such an etching on my very soul? I know you think of me. I feel it. I know you must feel me from where your heart beats. Will i ever see you again? It is not enough to have smoldering coals of the past…. I shall exercise greater patience and trust that our time will come around once again. Until then, i cannot help myself but to love you every day of my life. namaste.
We have once again returned to new beginnings on the Native American medicine wheel. Just as the sun rises from the East each day….. Our new beginning on this cyclical journey called “Life” opens each of us up to new ideas, new relationships, new passions. I feel the excitement of the impending newness of my journey. Something from within me bursts forth with eagerness and great anticipation of things about to unfold ; some of them yet unwritten.
Next week I begin my “Master Gardening” program at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. Working soil and growing things offers me so much peace of mind and joy. From this program i will be volunteering in various area of gardening around my community. New friends to be met who share my passion for gardening…. New connections with my local area will most definately bring me more exciting projects and discoveries about myself and this beautiful world around me. More chances to work outdoors… A great understanding and honing of current skills only adding more quality to my already blessed life!
I believe that 2015 will offer new adventures with our recycled wood business DharmaWood. Our website should be up and running soon and we have new festivals and art events to show our work. I am feeling the urge to stretch myself to learn more regarding woodcraft. New useful and beautiful products for our life that promote the art of recycling, upcycling, repurposing , etc.
I do hope to run just ONE more marathon this year. I have said many times that “this will be my last marathon” yet i feel the need to push beyond and challenge myself as another cycle closes and a new one opens. Running is a meditation in itself as you spend great amounts of time on distance courses with only yourself and maybe a playlist of music or the sounds of the world around you to keep you company. Its guaranteed time for “me”. Guaranteed time absent of obligation to others. I always gain so much strength and perseverance throughout my training.
A renewed spirit behind my passion for writing wells up from a place inside me i cannot describe. Dancing through pages of words that connect the world together with emotion, understanding, discovery, inspiration makes me feel like im growing brighter and more full as i soar along this magical carpet ride.Expression. The art of sharing one’s heart through words, the humbling act of making oneself vulnerable through the revealing of the secrets inside us ….it adds to the magic of connection, making room for stronger vibrations to the goodness of life in all of us. It all amazes me still after all these years.
New ambitions yet to be imagined by you and by me for that one spark to ignite life forth from the place of endless possibilities brings me goosebumps upon the thought! All things arise from thought. Thought is connected to all we feel. And so the circle goes on.
I myself accept the challenge of embracing all new beginnings carved out especially for me and invite others to consider the challenge as well! A clear , blank canvas stands before us all here at this place of New beginnings. We begin however we choose and imagine whatever we like! Every color, every shade is free for the taking so that we may paint our world as unimaginable as we can imagine! Cheers to 2015 and all of its unfolding! Cheers to your “New Beginnings” and mine. 🙂